Easier to Feel
by MorphailEffect
Summary: Tezuka POV. Pairings: Tezuka x Oshitari x Mukahi. Tezuka and Oshitari meet again one year after graduating from middle school. Oshitari and Mukahi are together, but Oshitari realizes that his feelings for Tezuka are still intact... (FINISHED in two parts)
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: Konomi Takeshi owns Prince of Tennis and its characters. I don't. 

NOTES: I've just watched PoT and methinks all the players in this fic are hot. 

A lot of the facts I used here, such as Oshitari coming from Kobe, and him and Tezuka being elementary school classmates, are _purely speculative_. Don't kill me. 

Also I'm not an expert at Kansaiben. I just ask a friend to help me out with the phrases I used. So...corrections welcome. Be kind, please? Translations at the end. 

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**Easier to Feel**   
by MorphailEffect 

Tezuka stared back at the tall dark-haired youth. The tall dark-haired youth stopped in his tracks, an arm's length away. The cigarette he had been smoking rested between his very still fingers. 

"...Hey," he said. And smiled. 

Tezuka nodded. 

"Sure is a strange place to meet. You're vacationing, too?" 

"My family's been spending a week here every summer since I started middle school." Tezuka gave up all thoughts of escaping a civil conversation. He just focused on making it brief. "What about you?" 

"I'm...here with someone." 

Tezuka wasn't surprised. He looked like he _was_ here with someone. There was a refreshed, relaxed glow all about him. It was almost familiar. 

"I see. How long will you be staying?" 

"Three nights. This is our last night. We have to be on our way early tomorrow." 

"...You don't have much time, then. I shouldn't keep you." 

"Wait," the young man said as he was walking past. Tezuka stopped abruptly, but didn't look back. "I know you're with your family...but..." A soft rustle of clothing as the young man turned. "Let's have dinner. Just the two of us. Like old times. Is that all right?" 

His convincing manner left no room for saying no. By himself, Tezuka saw no reason to deny his request. 

"All right. Tonight. Let's meet up here at 7 PM." 

"_You ya._" There was some relief in that voice. The other became the one who walked ahead, and away. "_Mata na._" **[1]**

Tezuka stayed where he was a short time after the footsteps faded. The sun was setting over the mountains. 7 PM didn't seem so far off, and yet... 

*** 

They had spent their last two years of primary school together. Ingrained in Tezuka's brain were memories of a smiling, cat-eyed, black-haired grade-schooler who spoke slowly and deliberately in his native Kansaiben, exuding charm and confidence in all quiet ways. 

There were also memories of a boy growing into a dark attractiveness -- out of adulation, eagerness and a careless promise. 

Oshitari Yuushi was born in Kobe, but he spent his first ten years of life traveling with his family. When he and Tezuka met, it was his first time out of the Kansai regions -- and as a result, his accent was thicker than anything Tezuka thought possible. 

Tezuka had to ask the dark-haired boy to repeat himself, when he said "Play a match with me." 

Then Tezuka asked, "Why?" 

It would have been a hostile question, especially with how he asked it. But the other boy beamed. "Show me what's so much fun about it." 

There was no way to refuse a request like that. Tezuka found to his great relief that the boy was a good player and a fast learner, for his age...owing perhaps to the fact that his father was a well-known tennis enthusiast. At the same time, Tezuka could tell the boy was never really serious about the game. They would probably meet often in that club, where their fathers liked to spend their weekends...but that was the extent of their relationship. 

...or so Tezuka thought. Only a short while later they were exchanging CDs and magazines, trivia about pop records and TV dramas. Take away his tennis skills and penchant for romance flicks, Yuushi was an ordinary kid, as far as Tezuka could tell. He didn't pay Yuushi much mind. 

Yet there was a sweetness about Oshitari Yuushi...cunning in essence, but consistent. And effective. He got away with calling the intense other child "Kuni" -- even if it _was_ after much wheedling and negotiation. He became the only one with that special privilege. 

Yuushi dropped in unannounced one weekend to return some CDs he borrowed, even after Tezuka had told him not to bother. He became witness to a short scene wherein an old man, apparently Kuni's grandfather, had a heated argument with a young woman, apparently Kuni's mother, over letting "that uncouth child" in. After pleas and humble entreaties, the young woman finally won. She let Yuushi in with a warm smile. 

"It's so rare that Kunimitsu-san's friends come to visit," she whispered, and she echoed like a bell in the otherwise oppressive silence of the household. Yuushi decided he had never met a woman stronger than Kuni's mother. 

"And she's very pretty, too," Yuushi said in the middle of his report. He sat in the middle of the excessively neat bedroom floor while Kuni moved about his shelves, taking out various magazines. "Kuni's grandfather is mean." 

"He's strict, not mean," Tezuka corrected mechanically. 

"_Des'sa!_ **[2]** It's the summer break, and a Saturday too! You're not even allowed to play outside...?" 

"He received my report card. He says I have to do a little advanced studying in some subjects before i begin fifth grade. That's what my weekends are supposed to be for." 

"Hmm," Yuushi grimaced, not daring to speak his mind. It was going to be interesting, going to school with this willing little perfectionist after the summer was over with... 

"He used to be an athlete, too," Tezuka was continuing. "I don't think he really wanted to quit." 

Tezuka stopped moving. Yuushi got hold of himself with a start. He had been staring at Tezuka's back. He seemed to do that too often. Where had his thoughts been? He hoped Tezuka hadn't noticed... 

"I think it would make him...happy...to have a champion athlete in the family..." Tezuka said softly, as if to himself. 

"And that champion athlete...it's going to be you, right?" 

Tezuka frowned, suspecting he was being made fun of. 

A chuckle was making its way up Yuushi's throat. He let it out without predilection, earning a surprised glare from his friend, who was used to soundlessness. 

"You can do it, though," Yuushi followed up. "I play you. So I know." 

*** 

Tezuka wasn't looking forward to anything except a night of uncomfortable silences. Which never bothered him, really: silences had always worked in his favor. 

But then if the shock of meeting _that person_ by accident in one of the most unlikely places was enough to unsettle him, what exactly did he have to fall back on? 

It wasn't like this during the provincial match, a year ago. They had both known they were going to meet, and they were prepared. Tezuka, on his part, genuinely felt nothing. He fixed his gaze on the tall and imposing dark-haired player without seeing someone he knew. 

He saw a Hyotei regular. 

An opponent. 

Not a cheerful little kid who used to follow him around. 

If there was anything similar in the kid and the young man, it was the sloppy, half-assed way they played tennis. But all that was years behind. He and Tezuka weren't meeting as athletes now. It was inevitable, he supposed... 

Tezuka took leave of his family at around 6:30, saying he was going to spend the better part of the night walking under the stars. His grandfather agreed it was a good night for solitary contemplation. 

The inn staff parted like water when Tezuka passed them on his way out. 

The other young man was there early, but didn't look like he had been waiting long. He was dressed in something loose and long-sleeved...Tezuka noticed for the first time that if not for the other's feline eyes and smile, they with their similar fashion sense would be mistaken for brothers. 

He realized idly that Oshitari Yuushi might have been the one who had taught him to dress himself. The probability wasn't far off. But he couldn't remember. 

"Yo. Decided where to go yet?" 

"I know the area. There are good restaurants near here. Let's look around." 

Yuushi nodded and followed when Tezuka picked a direction and walked off. 

They found a place with fewer patrons than the other food shops in the area. It was hidden, was comfortable, it was expensive -- it was perfect. 

The first thing Oshitari did when they reached their table was pull out his cell phone and send out a short text message. "I have to report, or I'll be making someone worry," he replied to Tezuka's stare. 

"Whoever this is, you two must be serious," Tezuka blandly remarked. 

Oshitari rolled his eyes back. "Please. We're young. We're having fun." 

"Your idea of 'fun' confounds me." 

"Are you jealous?" 

A look that was one step short of a glare. 

"Never." 

In reply, a soft chuckle, with perhaps a trace of bitterness. He pocketed his cell phone with a wistful smile. 

_"...Aika'razu denna."_ **[3]**

*** 

That the grade-school Yuushi -- or Yuu-chan, as he was often called -- liked to hang around "Kuni" was a mystery to everyone, including Tezuka himself. Tezuka ignored everything that didn't have to do with tennis or schoolwork. Moreover, he never hesitated to put down the people around him (regardless of age) for being careless or inattentive. Yuushi was not spared. 

"Stop throwing that word around, Oshitari. Stop throwing it at _me_." 

_Cute_ -- one of the young Yuushi's favorite words -- meant nothing to Tezuka. Except that it was unseemly for any boy to say so liberally. And it was even less palatable when said to another boy. 

"But it's the truth!" A light-hearted chuckle. _"Honma ni Kuni ka'aii ya!"_ **[4]**

There was nothing to say to such a declaration, except "Shut up and serve." 

But Oshitari Yuushi still spent most of his free time hunting down and sticking to Tezuka Kunimitsu...and Tezuka Kunimitsu never hid from him, or turned him away. 

They were the only two skilled grade-school level players in the vicinity...it was natural that they would gravitate toward each other. There were no campus-based tennis clubs in elementary school, and Tezuka had to keep himself sharp. He often approached Yuushi to request after-school matches. Before they knew it, it had become a habit for them to hang out at the park court after school. 

Most times, they were stared at... sometimes, they were left alone. The boys loved those alone-times best, for different reasons. 

"Kuni is really serious, isn't he...about tennis..." 

There was no reply. Eye on the ball, as always, even when no one was else was around to look. Yuushi smiled. 

"_So ya na_ **[5]**...maa. Guess I'm taking up tennis in earnest too." 

The ball dropped in Tezuka's part of the court. Clearly a point the other boy let slide. Tezuka stood up straight. 

"What? You?" A demand, not an inquiry. "Why?" 

Yuushi was smiling his usual crafty smile while he met that challenging gaze. 

"So Kuni won't be lonely." 

*** 

The first topic was a safe one: how Hyotei and Seigaku had been doing since they graduated. It turned out that Seigaku was _still_ kicking Hyotei's ass. Tezuka pinpointed that arrogance was going to have to stop being a tradition for the Hyotei tennis club. 

"As if Seigaku doesn't have its share of prima donnas." Fingertips circling lazily over the wooden tabletop. 

Tezuka replied soberly, "Our tradition isn't arrogant players, but hardworking ones." 

"And captains born with whips in their hands." Oshitari sighed, smooth like a cat stretching. It was a childhood habit. "_Hona ne_ **[6]**...to be honest, I didn't think we'd be seeing each other after our last match. I don't even think you recognized me then...you didn't look like it." 

"I recognized you." A sip of tea, nonchalant. "I just didn't think it mattered that I did." 

"So you ignored me...?" 

"I met you as you came to me: as an opponent." 

A grunt escaped Oshitari. He reached across the table to refill Tezuka's cup with hot tea. It might have occurred to Tezuka that it was little more than a random act that served to break their eye contact. "...Ah well. In any case, we wouldn't have had anything to say to each other." 

"That's right." 

There was an uncomfortable pause. 

Oshitari broke it by reaching forward again. 

"Don't move." 

His fingers brushed lightly through the tips of Tezuka's hair. For a moment Tezuka felt dangerously close to something electric. He didn't move. He didn't even change expression. 

...And he didn't ask what Oshitari was doing. Oshitari did that a lot when they were small: pretend there was something in Tezuka's hair. He would bring his face close to Tezuka's briefly, hold his gaze and give a predatory smirk. 

Briefly. Then he would pull back, saying something smug like "Damn, it got away." As he did tonight. 

But tonight his fingertips brushed across the side of Tezuka's neck as well. 

Tezuka felt it like a mild shock, but did not react. 

Oshitari looked serious and was about to say something, when they heard a jovial voice call out: 

"Hora! What's this! Night's still young and you're already making out?" 

Oshitari sat up straight. He looked tense, as if he was caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing. He didn't look at the newcomer right away. 

"...Gakuto." 

*** 

Yuushi found his niche close to the end of their fifth year in primary. His voice broke early, and every other part of him seemed to want to catch up. 

He grew taller. He also grew hornier. Oshitari Yuushi gave out the impression that he took nothing seriously, never really aspired for anything. Yet girls flocked to him like they never flocked to Tezuka. ...Not that Tezuka minded, of course. Eye on the ball. He had better things to do than flirt around. 

But his playmate and tennis partner was drifting farther away. The mild sense of loss was only offset by the irritation he felt whenever Oshitari turned his lewd attentions onto Tezuka -- for lack of any other target, perhaps. 

He seemed to be losing interest in tennis, and Tezuka didn't try to bring him back into the fold. The odd thing was, he _still_ came to their after-school practices regularly. Yuushi only mentioned from time to time that he had a date, so would it be all right to terminate the practice match early? 

Tezuka would shrug and say "Whatever. Do what you want." 

Yuushi would sense the genuine annoyance. He would sidle up to Tezuka if they were sitting, or lean his weight against Tezuka's shoulder if they were standing. Lower his voice a notch. 

"Don't be mad, Kuni. You're still the one I like most, na. _Gottsu sukiyanenn._ **[7]**" 

Whenever Yuushi said things like that, it never struck Tezuka that he could be serious. Tezuka guessed that he could never be serious about something he said so freely and so many times. 

"I have no interest in what you like or don't, Oshitari. I only care that my tennis partner isn't improving." 

Oshitari frowned. "That's too much, Kuni. Tennis isn't everything..." 

"If you think that's what I'm trying to tell you, you're wrong." 

"So what _are_ you trying to tell me?" 

"That you have no direction. That if nobody kicks you, you're never going to kick yourself. How far in life do you think you'll get this way?" 

Tezuka once turned his back on Oshitari after having said that, not waiting for the offended brushoff grunt that usually followed. He said a lot of such things to Oshitari. Perhaps for lack of anyone else to say them to. 

"You know," Oshitari said to his back, "sometimes I think you could be kinder..." 

Tezuka glared over his shoulder. "This is what I am." Not caring how forlorn the other boy looked. "I don't think it would hurt someone who really understood me." 

Softly. _"Chau de."_ A weak smile. _"Toki ni itai ya."_ **[8]**

  
  
(to be continued) 

  
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1 - "You ya" = "Good," Kansaiben equiv of "Ii yo" ; "Mata na" = "Until then." 

2 - just an expression. Contracted "Demo sa!" or "But!" 

3 - "You haven't changed." 

4 - "Kuni is really cute!" 

5 - "That's right" ; Hyojingo equiv: "Sou da ne." 

6 - "Anyway" 

7 - "I like you a lot." 

8 - "Chau de" = "You're wrong" ; "Toki ni itai ya" = "Sometimes it hurts" 


	2. 2

  
  
**Easier to Feel** (Part 2)   
by MorphailEffect 

"Hou," Mukahi Gakuto greeted, in the lofty, disinterested manner that Tezuka had already associated with him since his middle school days. He was wearing a track suit and his hair was damp. In contrast to both Tezuka and Oshitari, he still looked very young -- like the bright-eyed 16-year-old he was. 

"If it isn't 'sullen' and 'slimy,'" Mukahi quipped. 

His red hair was longer than Tezuka remembered. But then, so was Oshitari's. Tezuka noted that it suited them both. Vanity was always Hyotei's strong point. 

"Slimy yourself," Oshitari replied. Gakuto bent towards him and he turned his head for a quick peck on the lips. Over Gakuto's shoulder, Tezuka saw a few interested patrons staring slack-jawed. They turned away the instant they saw that Tezuka had noticed them. 

It was curious that Oshitari hooked up with someone with the same first name as Tezuka's favorite pop artist. But Tezuka didn't even think Oshitari remembered. 

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything for real," Mukahi said with his hands on his hips. "I was just taking a walk in the area. I got Yuushi's text, so I decided to drop by and say hi." 

Flaunting his possession. Apparently, he wasn't above that. Did he think Oshitari was in danger of being stolen away? 

A level-eyed nod to Tezuka. _"Hisashiburi jan, Seigaku no Buchou-san."_**[1]**

"Mukahi." 

"Oh how formal," Oshitari sighed. "Sit down and have dinner with us, Gakuto. You're here anyway." 

Gakuto shook his head, but was already sitting down. "Nah, I'm not hungry. I could do with something cold to drink, though..." 

Oshitari called one of the gaping waiters over to their table. Gakuto planted his chin on one hand, studied the third party, while Oshitari ordered for him. 

"Hmm, you look like you're doing well, Buchou-san. Keeping fit..." 

"_Akan_ **[2]**, don't call him 'Buchou-san,' Gakuto. We're not in middle school anymore," Oshitari interrupted. 

Mukahi sniffed and ignored him. "Fancy meeting you here, though. Are you here with someone, too, by any chance...?" 

"He's here with his family. They come every year." Oshitari seemed intent on sparing Tezuka the pain of having to deal with Mukahi's inquiries. But Tezuka would not be sheltered. 

"Mukahi. I heard you two are about to end your vacation here. How did you like it?" 

"Well...was all right," Mukahi replied. "Saved me from the drudgery of working a whole summer as a coach at tennis camp." 

The cold drink that Oshitari ordered came. He looked away for a second to thank the attendant who brought it. 

In that second, Tezuka noted the look in Mukahi's eyes: smug and unfriendly. It said that Mukahi knew about Oshitari and Tezuka's past. That he was happy with what he had and wasn't going to surrender it to any threat, real or imagined. 

Tezuka found it halfway amusing. Mostly annoying, though. He was going to cut through it and get to the heart of the matter, courtesy be damned. Still unsmiling, he pronounced: "I didn't mean to get in the way of your plans. If this dinner is inconvenient..." 

"Inconvenient?! Not at all," Oshitari said quickly, sitting straight up again. "Right, Gakuto?" 

"...I can leave," Tezuka finished firmly. 

Mukahi was already sipping his drink as Tezuka spoke. When he was finished, he ran his hand through his red hair, sighing in exaggerated frustration. 

"Really, Buchou-san...if my presence at this table makes you uncomfortable, just say so." 

Oshitari pulled a face. Mukahi himself was never one for beating around the bush...though unlike Tezuka, he could if he wanted to. 

"Oh well. I know when I'm not welcome." He stood unhurriedly. "I'll see you both later, I guess. Or you, at least." Twisted his slender body to bend over towards Yuushi. "Until I'm sick of the sight of you." Another quick peck on the lips. This time Tezuka could swear he heard a girlish shriek of surprise from somewhere in the room. 

A final wave to them all, a final friendly-unfriendly-he's-mine smile at Tezuka, and Mukahi was jogging out the door. 

Oshitari rubbed the knuckles of one hand while smiling at Tezuka. "Quite the little exhibitionist, isn't he?" 

"He hasn't changed, either," Tezuka noted. 

"A lot of things haven't changed. You, least of all, Kuni." 

Tezuka stiffened at the familiar nickname. He couldn't help glaring. But Oshitari was no longer looking at him. 

"Let's go outside after we're done eating, all right?" Oshitari muttered. "I need fresh air. And a smoke." 

*** 

It got so it made Tezuka uncomfortable just to be seen with his friend. Intrigue followed Yuushi, girls with sad shining eyes whispered and sometimes interrupted their breaktime conversations to have a "talk" with the cat-eyed boy, and Yuushi would always abandon whatever he was doing to go. 

Being with Yuushi felt like being with a pop idol. However, Yuushi once admitted that he went out with different girls out of "sheer curiosity." He took up smoking because it "looks cool." Catching accidental glimpses of Yuushi stealing kisses in shadowed corners didn't help Tezuka's sinking regard for his friend at all. 

Yuushi neglected his schoolwork too, and it disturbed Tezuka somewhat that Yuushi never asked him for help. It even seemed that Yuushi himself had started becoming averse to spending time alone with Tezuka. 

Sometimes Tezuka would catch Yuushi staring at him with a strange wistful look. But whenever he caught Yuushi at it, Yuushi would respond with an embarrassed smile, and either say something smart-ass about Tezuka being "cute," or just plain look away. 

Tezuka told himself not to care. There were more important things to keep him occupied. He was experiencing changes in his body, too, and God forbid he was going to give into them like Yuushi was. 

Thankfully, he wasn't growing as quickly as Yuushi was, so with any luck he was going to avoid being hormonal until middle school. Then once he reached middle school, growth would become a necessary thing. There would be tennis clubs there, with worthy rivals and opponents. He would need the extra feet of reach. 

He had his school life all planned out, built around the dream of being a pro tennis player. Which was why it annoyed the hell out of him whenever Yuushi stuck a lit cigarette in his face and insisted he take a long puff, just one. 

"Why are you so intent on teaching me your bad habits?" he demanded. 

Yuushi shrugged and took his cigarette back. "Well, you taught me how to play tennis. What have I taught you?" 

That answer made absolutely no sense to Tezuka. 

"You helped me sharpen my skills. It's a shame you were never really interested in tennis. You could be a pro if you just tried harder." 

"Ah, so that's all I am to you. A tennis partner." 

"Oshitari," Tezuka sighed, "don't waste my time. What exactly did you call me all the way up here for?" 

Yuushi moved slightly away. They were on the rooftop of the school, the only place within school grounds where he could smoke out in the open and in peace. Only consequence was, there wasn't a lot of walking room. 

"I just think it's unfair," Yuushi said, "that when I leave, I'll have been the only one who got a lot out of being friends with you. Won't I be leaving you anything?" 

So. Tezuka's fears were confirmed. He had presumed that Yuushi and he would attend the same middle school, but he made allowances for Yuushi's shiftless family wanting to relocate right after graduation. It was a minor disappointment. But it made him turn cold inside and out. 

"Will it matter?" 

"Of course it will! If I left you now, I'd be breaking that promise I made to you that day in the tennis court...do you remember? I'll have left you with nothing, and you'll be lonely." 

Yuushi should have been joking, Tezuka thought. He shouldn't have been looking that solemn. 

"Yuushi. I'm saying it, in case it hasn't been clear so far..." 

It was only when he looked back at the incident that Tezuka saw how vulnerable his friend was. How deeply his broadening shoulders were slouched, as if preparing to be hit. As if worn out and preparing for an in-court defeat. 

"...I don't care if you leave me alone. I'll reach my goals without you." 

*** 

The stars were beautiful that night. Up in the mountains, they looked larger and closer than they did back at home. The pleasant night air also helped dissolve the tension between them. 

Tezuka heard Oshitari take a deep breath beside him. The two young men were walking off in a random direction. 

"So how's your family? The great Ojiisan?" Oshitari began. 

"Healthy as ever. His arthritis hurts him a little more, but it's nothing serious. Mother and Father are doing good." 

"_So ya na._ That's good to hear. You still like Gackt?" 

"He comes up with good stuff now and then." 

"Every time I mention to Gakuto that you like Gackt, the little imp laughs his head off." 

"That was unnecessary information," Tezuka pronounced. He wanted to ask Oshitari what _else_ he mentioned to Gakuto, but didn't know how to do so without sounding jealous. Which he wasn't. So he dropped the idea. "What about you, you still like those cheesy TV dramas?" 

"Hah," Oshitari grunted. "I've graduated from those. I turn to foreign cinema for my sappy romance fix now." 

"Ah." 

Oshitari took out a cigarette case, opened it, and offered it to Tezuka. "Smoke?" 

Tezuka shook his head out of habit. Oshitari smirked. 

"In the end, I didn't teach you anything at all...did I." 

Oshitari took out a stick and clamped one end between his lips. To his surprise, Tezuka reached for a stick of his own. He gaped openly at his stoic companion. 

_"Erai kocha,"_ **[3]** he exclaimed softly. 

"I can live without the stuff, unlike you." 

Oshitari lit his cigarette first, then Tezuka's. Tezuka bent forward slightly and sheltered Oshitari's hand against the night breeze with both his own. 

A shadow fell over Oshitari's face, and did not lift even after he had slid his lighter back into his pocket. 

"Nice place," Oshitari sighed out with his first smoke. 

Tezuka looked around. He saw they had stopped to light their cigarettes by a small lake off the side of the dirt road -- one of the many natural lakes in those highlands. The clear, still water reflected what it could of the stars and the high summer moon. 

"It is," Tezuka agreed. "Too bad it probably won't look so good in the daytime. You could have brought Mukahi here before you left." 

Oshitari smiled vaguely. 

"Well, let this be _our_ place, then..." 

"Whatever. There are fireflies too. Over there." 

Tezuka felt Oshitari's eyes on him even as he looked out at the grove close to the water. He didn't return the stare. He had just pointed out the goddamned fireflies, he wasn't going to lose poise by looking away from them now. 

"I thought I knew people, but I could never figure you out," Oshitari started to say softly. "You drove me crazy back in primary school..." 

"It's every man's desired achievement in life," Tezuka said, blowing out a long thread of smoke, "to drive twelve-year-old boys crazy." 

_"Honma kai?"_ Oshitari chuckled. "_Omoroi na..._ **[4]** That's probably why I don't feel so accomplished." 

"You really want to know why you don't feel so accomplished?" 

Oshitari coughed once. "No. Please. Spare me." 

"Twelve-year-olds, eh. I didn't know you liked them _that_ young, Yuushi." 

"No...but when I look back now, I think I used to. Back when I didn't understand what I felt." 

The fireflies drifted in and out of view to the calm music of the crickets' chirping. 

"That's what I like about Gakuto...Feeling comes easy with him." 

*** 

The tall dark-haired boy with eyes wide like a wounded cat's held Tezuka's stare bravely. 

Then he smiled, as if at the snap of his fingers, he regained his air of confidence. He crossed his arms on the rooftop railing and leaned forward, all playful. "Well, I didn't doubt it for a second," he declared. "Of course you'll get by without me. You don't need anyone." 

But Tezuka saw he was shivering lightly. 

"What's the use of talking like this?" twelve-year-old Tezuka snapped impatiently. "You could have just said right out that you were moving." 

"You're right," Yuushi muttered in a flat, resigned tone. 

"I presume we won't see each other anymore after the summer break?" 

"Yeah. Seems that way." 

Tezuka was still cold inside. As if he had turned to stone. He didn't know why he reacted that way to the news, as if something inside him was threatened. But he didn't think it was important to find out. 

"All right. So you've told me. We're done." Tezuka moved away from the railing and stood up straight. "I'll be heading to the student council meeting, then. Since we need the better part of the night to finalize the details for the graduation ceremonies, we won't be meeting at the park court ton -- " 

Before he could finish, Yuushi had stepped up to him, tilted his chin up, and pressed their lips together. 

Perhaps Tezuka was so used to Yuushi's presence, that he didn't suffer the impulse to jump back at the touch. What shocked him was actually the feeling that his eyeglasses were being pressed into his skin by someone else's eyeglasses. It was extremely uncomfortable. In fact, it pushed away any other physical sensation. 

Tezuka took the cue from the pain and broke free just as Yuushi's other hand was reaching up to hold him close by the shoulder. The first thing Tezuka did was rearrange his spectacles. 

Awakened by the distance, Yuushi stood very still, surprised at himself. The fingers of one hand soft against the empty space where Tezuka's shoulder would have been. He was no longer shaking. 

_"Attakaisugi,"_ he said wonderingly, beneath his breath. Then bitterly he chuckled to himself, _"Nani yutennen..."_ **[5]**

When Yuushi said things resembling lines from the TV dramas he so enjoyed, there was nothing in Tezuka's sparse repertoire of words that would ever be enough as a reply. It was like Yuushi was suddenly from another world, foreign and hateful. Like they had never really met in anything, not even in tennis... 

Tezuka simply turned and exited the rooftop, his steps calm and leisurely. 

It was only late that night, alone in his room, that the rush of emotions hit him: anger. Sadness. Betrayal. 

But none of those feelings robbed him of sleep that night. Or on the many nights that followed, while he waited for news that the Oshitari family had finally moved out of the neighborhood. He and Yuushi met periodically and were civil to each other while they returned each other's things. The habit of park court practices dropped away without a sound. 

There was no reason to be debilitated just because he was being left behind by someone he trusted. 

He would not allow himself to be abandoned. 

*** 

There was a bench by the side of the lake. Oshitari sprawled lazily on it with his arms behind the backrest. Tezuka simply sat back beside him, arms and legs crossed. 

The dose of nicotine had loosened Tezuka's tongue, if not anything else. "You need someone to remind you how to feel?" he asked, when otherwise he wouldn't have taken the trouble. 

Oshitari made a vague sound of assent. "And mind you, I had to get used to it first. You see before I entered Hyotei, there was someone in my childhood whom I admired purely for that person's...mind, I guess. Or spirit? What's the right word?" 

It had to come out somehow. He let Oshitari talk. He could put the man down for excessive sentimentality later. 

"...Anyway we had a relationship where feelings were out of the question. That person inspired me to approach life like that...to just do what you have to, without letting anything or anyone stand in the way. It worked for me, because I moved around a lot with my family, and I couldn't be attached to anything. It always hurt having to leave something behind..." 

Oshitari smiled at Tezuka with genuine affection. "But guess what: I didn't have to leave anything behind in elementary school. I think that was the first time my heart was broken. My first unrequited love, you could say...But I'm still not sure..." 

"How can you be not sure?" Tezuka interrupted. 

"...I don't know. I just remember that after graduation, I stopped feeling anything. I didn't even feel rejected, or empty. There was...nothing. And then Gakuto..." 

There was a pause. Tezuka threw the butt of his cigarette into the water. Nature could go fuck itself. 

"You know this feeling when someone...completes you...Fills in all the empty spaces..." 

"I don't know that feeling," Tezuka answered. "I've always believed a person can only complete _himself_. Anything else is an illusion. It fails to interest me." 

Oshitari shook his head. 

"It isn't just 'interesting.' It's like...everything makes sense, when it happens. Like you can do anything you want...because there's someone else there who fills in for the things you _don't_ do." 

"Sorry to wake you from your pleasant dream. But I think you're confusing your feelings for him with the headrush of playing a good doubles set." 

Oshitari fell as silent as if a bomb had been dropped on him. He looked at Tezuka, eyes shining with something that might have been enmity. 

"...You think I never thought about that?" 

At the sound of his voice, Tezuka was beset with a sudden flashback: a child looking out at him from the other end of an adult-size court, too small and too shaken. _Chau de. Toki ni itai ya._ **[6]**

The long silence lay heavy between them. Then Oshitari's hand rose from behind the backrest. His fingers twined slowly but with sensual deliberation around Tezuka's hair. Tezuka flinched slightly, but did nothing else. 

"I've always wondered why you let me touch you," Oshitari almost whispered. 

"I don't know, myself." 

Oshitari tensed. His fingers trailed down to rest on the bare skin just beneath the top of Tezuka's collar. _"Nametonno ka."_ **[7]**

"I don't joke, Yuushi. You should know that better than anyone." 

Tezuka edged further down in his seat to lean his head back against the arm that Oshitari had rested on top of the backrest. Oshitari had certainly not expected such an act. He found himself staring at Tezuka's upturned face, with a look that shuffled back and forth between fascination and fondness. 

"I meant it when I said I could reach my goals without you," Tezuka continued. 

Oshitari's heart sank -- it showed in his eyes. 

"But I didn't know what I felt at the time, either," Tezuka finished. 

He turned his head and faced Oshitari. For just one brief instant, he broke through his impassive mask, and smiled. 

Oshitari smiled back. He was hurt, but he couldn't help himself. He removed his spectacles with his free hand, and gently removed Tezuka's, as well. He found himself staring into deep brown eyes that held no retribution. Or mercy. 

"I know what I felt now. I know what I still feel," he said to Tezuka, with the helpless innocence of a child who had once said _"Gottsu sukiyanenn"_ **[6]** from an unexpected place deep inside him. "What about you?" 

Tezuka studied his old friend's face. He focused on the vague stirrings which had been waiting years to come to the surface. 

"It's not that simple, Yuushi." 

Oshitari brought his lips close to Tezuka's ear. It had been years, but the smell of his friend's skin, the closeness itself, intoxicated him. 

"No. It isn't," he agreed. 

He started to nuzzle Tezuka's neck. Tezuka reached up to touch his cheek, and he looked up at this signal. Tezuka brought his warm lips close, and then everything else fell away. There was no Gakuto. There were no emotions. There were no four years of longing. There was nothing else for Oshitari -- Yuushi -- to do. 

Except shut up and serve. 

  
  
(THE END) 

  
******************************

1 - "It's been a long time, Seigaku's Captain." 

2 - "Don't" like an equiv of "Dame" 

3 - An expression. Something like "Oh my God." Except Yuushi says it jokingly here. 

4 - "Honma kai?" = "Is that the truth?" ; "Omoroi na" = "Interesting" 

5 - "Attakaisugi" = "So warm" ; "Nani yutennen" = "So fucking what?" ... or something to that effect. 

6 - See the first chapter XD 

7 - "Are you making fun of me" 


End file.
